Friday, January 11, 2013

"Oh, the places you'll go!"

Well, another Christmas came and went. It was a good one this year.The journey home was generally uneventful, apart from one of those "oh no you didn't!" moments on my first flight. I was at the Salt Lake airport, and because I was going to miss my connection to London, they put me on standby for a slightly earlier flight. So I sat at the gate nervously waiting for my name to be mispronouced over the loud-speaker. And there it was, I made it onto the flight. So, victoriously, I strode onto the plane, eager to begin the first leg of my journey. I sat down and took off my coat, looked around me at my fellow travellers, and fastened my seat belt. As soon as I had done this, the flight attendant came hurrying towards me, lent over the person next to me, and almost shouted "we need you to get off the plane, you're too heavy!" That was the "oh no you didn't!" moment. No, she did not kindly and diplomatically say "your bags are too heavy for this flight" she said "you're too heavy!" No, no, no. That's never what a girl wants to hear! I must have held the disgusted/embarrassed/nervous face for a while, because the pilot soon came up, looked at my expression briefly, and told me I could stay. The whole time, I was nervously holding my breath. No, not because of my weight. Because I may have vomited from anxiety. When I re-live the moment this happened, in my mind I'm a larger than life black woman who yells "excuuuuuuuse me?!", waggles her finger, and defies anyone who dares to mention her voluptuous figure. No, instead, I was sitting there white as a sheep, shaking because I didn't want to get kicked off the plane, looking around nervously at the passengers staring at me. Yes, I'm the one with the extra weight. Sorry. Now let's please all stop looking and get up in the air!

Ok, so that was the only airport moment worth sharing this time. I don't know if anything will ever beat the time a woman in New York shouted to her colleagues at McDonald's "excuuuuue me, e'erbody. Mmmmhhhmm, this girl on the TV", and then turned to me, "girl, you on the TV!" I'm not on the TV. But perhaps I should have lied, offered my receipt signature as a gift to the staff at McDonalds, and accepted photos from my adoring fans around me.

When you fly alone as often as I do, you have nothing to do but let your mind wander. Ok, definitely got to get myself a travel companion. Next time.

Guilty pleasure. Don't judge me. I don't do it very often, but it's the same idea. Going to IKEA and pretending you're newly married and you just moved into a new house. Maybe I walk around those mock layouts of kitchens, bathrooms, dining rooms, and living rooms, and pretend that I actually live there. Maybe my successful brain surgeon husband and I are expecting guests over for dinner, and need to pick out a colour scheme for the dinner plates. Just maybe.

Oh yes, back to my trip home. It was just lovely. We got to skype with Josh for over an hour. He has an awesome Jamaican twang to his accent. He's the coolest. I wish I could get away with saying "yo, family, how goes it?" like a Caribbean person in real life. For now, I'll just practice in my head!

That's it for now. Happy 2013 everyone!